I have been fortunate in that I have never faced a physical bully–perhaps because I am a girl? I have to admit the idea of one of my children being physically threatened is really disturbing. I guess I will have to hope and prepare to be equal to that challenge when/if I come to it.

I know that less physical forms of abuse are pretty common. It is surprising how cruel children can be. I don’t know why it surprises me, but it always does. Children can be so mean. But I guess they are like adults this way. Adults can be so mean, but also, and like children, they can be so kind.

In Junior High I chose to try to love my enemies. Unfortunately, I had several. I sent one a very conciliatory, rather religious note. Her behavior towards me completely changed overnight. Looking back on it, I can see that that wasn’t the only possible outcome. However, I wonder if in that particular situation whether anything else could have worked. I doubt whether I ever could have improved things by fighting back with my tongue. I was fortunate because working to love her and to reconcile, was not only the right thing to do, but also the most efficacious thing.

At home that evening my father, who I am sure was hard-pressed to replace the glasses and who I am also sure could see himself and his boyhood in me, asked what I did when the boys hit me. I said “Nothing,” which made him very angry. He spanked me and sent me to bed without dinner to teach me to defend myself.

It didn’t work. Though I had promised that I would fight back the next time I was attacked, I remained a non-fighter (although I had a temper that it took me a long time to discipline–sorry Pdad). I remember that my father’s response confused and hurt me, but I remember it as I might remember a story told by someone else. In some odd way his punishment reinforced the lesson of scripture in me.

I say teach your son the scripture–without any middle steps. Perhaps taking cookies is an appropriate thing to do, a matter of turning the other cheek. If so, they are part of the principle rather than a middle step to it. In any case, the principle of nonviolence, by means of which we imitate Jesus at the cross, is important to your son learning to be a Christian.

As difficult as it is for parents to do this, knowing the pain it may result in for their child, I think that they must. In doing that they imitate their Heavenly Father.