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I want to teach my children the words of Jesus. I want to help them knit the Gospel into the fabric of their lives, written on their hearts. I do not want the Bible to be a dead book for them. How?
I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven . . .
Matthew 5:44-45
If a child picks on your child at school, and says, “Nate, you’re so dumb, you can hardly read!” And then Nate comes home and tells you about it, would you share this scripture with him? Is it a good idea or a bad idea to label the day’s tormentors as enemies? Why?
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5 Responses to “Bless Them That Curse You”
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Um yes, with some middle steps. When a kid picked on Will on the way home from school, after a parental conference, my husband took our child over to the other’s house with cookies. They let him know that they still liked him, but they asked him not to continue picking on Will. This got the kid cookies, and let his mom know what had happened.
He showed up at our door with an offering of apology in less than an hour, and the problem was gone.
Rather than using the scripture as it happened which would have been a little literal, we talked about some scriptural story like the people of Jershon or something and reminded Will and the kids of what happened with Will and the neighbor. We hope this makes the scripture stories important and useful without raising kids who yell “get thee hence!” on the playground.
Sorry, the most important part there was that we waited a few weeks and then worked the scripture story into an FHE lesson after the feelings weren’t so raw.
How old was Will at the time?
When I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade, I was stopped on the way home from school and beaten up by a couple of bullies. We had recently had the “turn the other cheek” lesson in Sunday School, so I didn’t fight back. In the beating my glasses, which were expensive, were broken.
At home that evening my father, who I am sure was hard-pressed to replace the glasses and who I am also sure could see himself and his boyhood in me, asked what I did when the boys hit me. I said “Nothing,” which made him very angry. He spanked me and sent me to bed without dinner to teach me to defend myself.
It didn’t work. Though I had promised that I would fight back the next time I was attacked, I remained a non-fighter (although I had a temper that it took me a long time to discipline–sorry Pdad). I remember that my father’s response confused and hurt me, but I remember it as I might remember a story told by someone else. In some odd way his punishment reinforced the lesson of scripture in me.
I say teach your son the scripture–without any middle steps. Perhaps taking cookies is an appropriate thing to do, a matter of turning the other cheek. If so, they are part of the principle rather than a middle step to it. In any case, the principle of nonviolence, by means of which we imitate Jesus at the cross, is important to your son learning to be a Christian.
As difficult as it is for parents to do this, knowing the pain it may result in for their child, I think that they must. In doing that they imitate their Heavenly Father.
“You know who I am”: I really appreciated your comment. I think you are right. It is tempting, as a parent, to believe that some of these New Testament lessons apply to other situations, but not to those of our children. I think this feeling is natural since it is a parent’s job to protect her children. But even more important than protecting our children is teaching them to be believe and to act on their belief.
I have been fortunate in that I have never faced a physical bully–perhaps because I am a girl? I have to admit the idea of one of my children being physically threatened is really disturbing. I guess I will have to hope and prepare to be equal to that challenge when/if I come to it.
I know that less physical forms of abuse are pretty common. It is surprising how cruel children can be. I don’t know why it surprises me, but it always does. Children can be so mean. But I guess they are like adults this way. Adults can be so mean, but also, and like children, they can be so kind.
In Junior High I chose to try to love my enemies. Unfortunately, I had several. I sent one a very conciliatory, rather religious note. Her behavior towards me completely changed overnight. Looking back on it, I can see that that wasn’t the only possible outcome. However, I wonder if in that particular situation whether anything else could have worked. I doubt whether I ever could have improved things by fighting back with my tongue. I was fortunate because working to love her and to reconcile, was not only the right thing to do, but also the most efficacious thing.