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Duncan as 5 month old Soccer Cheerleader
On Not Being an Athletically-Interested or Able Family:
Today I took dear Duncan to his second day of soccer camp. He is five years old and this is his first opportunity to learn about soccer. Poor Duncan is doubly deprived. Not only did he inherit a complete lack of athletic ability from his mother, he has grown up in a home that shows no interest in athletics thanks to his father. This is a deadly duo.
It doesn’t bother me if Duncan continues to be spectacularly unathletic. What I worry about is that he will be unhappy as he gets older because so much of what children do together revolves around athletics. It will be hard for him to fit in.
Hence we were at the soccer fields for camp at 8 am this morning. Because a) we were a bit late, b) he is a bit shy, and c) he didn’t have a great time on Monday, I had to drag him out to join the kids on the field. I hope I did the right thing. I wasn’t sure what to do. To show his displeasure, he walked limply through the obstacle course where the other children had just hurried.
It was then that I noticed that no one else’s shinguards were visible. Shinguards go inside the socks!–right. We won’t forget next time, but next time it will be something else. Oh dear Duncan, I love you so much! I would make this easy for you if I could, but I don’t know how to give you what I never had myself.
I felt upset and quite concerned (not about the shinguards, but about my dear boy’s general predicament) for a couple of minutes. But I had Kate to attend to, and gear to juggle, and the groups switched coaches and moved to different places on the field. Soon I couldn’t see Duncan very well. Finally, it was time to go. I walked up to retrieve him; he was talking happily and animatedly with another boy. It was a blessed sight. We’ll get through this somehow.
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7 Responses to “Shinguards go inside the sock!”
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Oh. Could we have a conversation about this topic. I have such anxiety that my boys will never fit in when all of the other teenagers are “shooting hoops.” No athletic genes, nor interest, in this family. Interestingly, my third boy, who will probably only be about 5’6″, is interested in basketball! And for six, he’s not bad with the ball-handling. Why is there so much emphasis on athletics in our culture?
You know, my kids are similarly athletically challenged, but I have to say, there is still hope. We have tried several different sport teams with Parley–baseball, soccer, basketball–and have so far spent almost every game wincing at how much better all the other kids were than our child. However, for some reason, we tried out flag football this year, and what do you know, our kid was actually not bad! He made two touchdowns, several tackles, and an extra point over the course of the “season”. We realized watching him that that kid can run fast! Go figure! He looks somewhat awkward, but he can run! So, my point is, don’t give up–you just have to find the sport that clicks. Even if it’s not a team sport, there’s always individual things like gymnastics, swimming, or track.
I’m not trying to endorse a sports frenzy, and heaven knows nobody in our home actually watches sports on TV or could name a single professional player that hasn’t been in the news with a scandal revolving around him, but I think it’s great to give them the opportunity to play with other kids and have fun. After all, aren’t sports supposed to just be about playing a game? Another thought–some kids just need to be a little older to enjoy team sports. I think we were just throwing our money away until Parley turned eight. Before that, he just hated sports. Since then, he loves them. Go figure.
Robin, I think you’re right about it being key to find the right sport. I tried everything with Amelia. Gymnastics, soccer, dance. Swimming was simply in a different category than the others. She enjoyed it much more. Now she is on the swim team which represents a HUGE accomplishment for her. She may always be the slowest on the team, but I am so pleased that she found a sport that she enjoyed enough to work at. I just hope that she can get enough pleasure from participation to be able to deal with the disappointment of not being one of the better swimmers.
Unfortunately, I have multiple children! Swimming is Amelia’s sport, but I don’t think it is Duncan’s. It seems like second and third children always end up shorted. I don’t want to insist that swimming be Duncan’s sport, but I can only be in so many places at one time and support so many activities. Practically speaking, since he gets no exposure to sports at home, how many different sports can I introduce him to? Also, how long do I need him to make him stick with the sport before deciding it’s not his sport? And even if he did find one he loved [which is by no means a certain proposition], can I really be a swim mom and a baseball mom (for example) at the same time? Supporting the swimming alone has pushed me to exhaustion. Maybe though, I just need to do more and step up for my kids. However, I’m not sure that this is right. Our homelife is crazy when there are too many activities. The point of trying to find them some athletics to be involved in is make their life happier, but if it makes us all unhappy, what is the point?
I’d much rather spend my time reading with the kids or practicing for spelling bees than driving them to athletics practices. Especially when (as with Duncan) they equate practice with torture. I guess I just have to find a balance somehow.
Well, I can’t say that we get all that into the sports that we have our kids do. We usually sign up at the local community center, and the “seasons” only last about two months. Most of the time they only have a couple of practices at the beginning of the season and then have games once or twice a week. Andrew and I take turns taking him to his games. So, I guess the thing is, we just let him go play and have fun. We don’t focus a lot on whether he won or not, or try to push him to improve his skills, or sign him up for expensive week-long camps or anything. Call us lazy, I guess. But like I said, I want him to play sports to have fun. At this age, I think that’s what’s important. When he gets to be a teenager and maybe starts getting a desire to focus on one particular sport and get really good at it, then I’ll support him in what he wants to do.
As for the multiple kids thing, I usually don’t have all my kids doing something at once. Sometimes Brianna is doing something, sometimes Parley is doing something. Next week I’ve got both of them plus Lily starting swimming lessons, and that’ll be the first time in ages that they are all occupied. I haven’t had any of them complain about being treated unfairly with these things. In general, I think having two or three days of the week occupied for an hour or so by some extra-curricular activity is not bad. More than that can get a little ridiculous. But I think it’s a personal decision, depending on your patience and schedule.
We don’t do sports either, and we’ve turned that into something my son is proud of!
We tried a few things with him, but he’s got the coordination of a surgery patient who’s already been sedated. (His legs are twisted from birth and he’s been through physical therapy as a result.) He hated soccer, and he did karate for six years before he finally came to me and very sweetly told me that it had become boring. (He’s a very patient child…)
So right now we’re just happy with Cub Scouts. He can focus his attention on earning the badges (which don’t require much physical coordination) and feel like he’s accomplishing the same things that other boys his age are doing. In the meantime he’s one of the smartest kids in his class, he plays chess against just about anyone, and he won the Math Bowl again this year. Those are his loves, and that’s what we support. I don’t feel that he’s missing out on anything. He’s kind of proud to be “different” from the sports-obsessed boys at school.
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Moms,
What do your non-sports loving boys do during recess?