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I have received a wonderful inheritance from my father’s side of the family: my love of teaching, my curiosity about the world, and my heritage of faith. I also received baldness. It is easy to trace the path back from my father, to my grandmother, to my great-grandmother. Unlike my father, my grandmother and great grandmother bore the burden of being female. Baldness is not only more common in men, it is also better accepted. Both of my grandmothers wore wigs. They felt they needed to.
Since Kate’s birth, the thinning I’ve struggled with since I turned 18 has continued to worsen. I realized this the other day when I noticed that I never need a barrette to keep hair out of my eyes any more. Pdad reluctantly answered my questions when pressed and admitted that it’s pretty obvious. (I have trouble evaluating the situation myself because I can’t see the top of my head in the mirror). I hadn’t realized how bad it had become.
I haven’t decided for sure, but I’m thinking I’ll start wearing a wig. Not because I have to, but because I want to. We associate baldness in women with grim cancer prognoses, not a random turn of genetics’ wheel of fortune. But my insurance company would be happy to inform you that my problems are completely cosmetic (read: coverage denied). I’m healthy. Getting a wig would allow me to change my appearance to reflect that.
It’s scary though. I think that if I want to wear a wig, the best way is to go whole hog, no turning back. I don’t want people doing a mental comparison between my real hair and my fake hair all the time, and I think that means I need to wear the fake hair consistently. Then, hopefully after the initial, “Wow, she decided to start wearing a wig,” looking-but-trying-not-to-look, period, people’s attention will drift elsewhere. Of course, some people try to keep their use of a wig or hairpiece secret. I don’t think that will make sense for me. Getting a wig will change my appearance signficantly, I imagine. Since my hair is now painfully thin, the fact that my head is suddenly covered with hair should be rather obvious–isn’t that the point, after all? If it isn’t a noticeable change, then why go to the bother, discomfort and expense? And if the fact that I’ve decided to wear a wig is obvious, then why pretend? Why be ashamed? Hopefully, it won’t just be a change, it will be a change for the better (otherwise I hope I’ll have the sense to stop and change my mind and do something different). I am a balding woman. I’m not glad, but I’m not going to sit and stew about it either. This isn’t something I chose or something I did, it is just one part of the total package I got from my ancestors. There’s a lot to celebrate and a lot to rue in there. I suspect that for others it is the same.
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9 Responses to “Wigging Out”
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How timely this blog is — I have been fixated on my in-hair-itance this week, myself. Have you met my Dad? He has lovely silver hair now but throughout my childhood it was varying shades of gray. I have seen pictures of it dark, but in my memories it is always gray. Unfortunately, NOONE under a certain age has gray hair anymore. Certainly not at 40… the fast-approaching milestone in my life. I have colored it since my late twenties and now find that my roots are noticeable after less than three weeks. Bah! Two months ago I tried highlights as camouflage. It needed more. The second time around I got comments. John didn’t like it and asked me this week to go get it done again. So two days ago I was again at the salon — third time in two months — getting as close to my natural brown back again.
I walked out dejected and with the problem temporarily solved. My distinct feeling was how much easier it is for men and how it would be nice just to shave it all off and be done with it.
[Pmom], how brave you are to post about this very personal topic. I know as a woman that I have a ridiculous attachment to the way my hair looks. I don’t know if it’s cultural, or comes from somewhere inside, but there’s no doubt that hair is a part of a woman’s identity. I hope your wig shopping will go well and that you’ll find something that will give you self-confidence and make you feel good about your appearance. As you said, there could be much worse things to inherit — and look at what a fine woman your grandmother (the one that I knew) was. You’ve inherited her best traits too, I am sure.
Hi [Pmom]! Believe it or not, I have some experience with wig wearing and wig buying. In my single salad days, some friends and I used to meet up for “wig night” once a month at a cafe that gave you 1/2 priced bottles of wine if you showed up bewigged. My experiences suggest that wig wearing is horribly hot and uncomfortable … is there something like Rogain to try instead? It might be worth it to splurge if it doesn’t mean mortgaging the house – not for aesthetic reasons, because there are some really cool wigs out there, but purely for long-term comfort. Also, it seems the ones made from real human hair, while pricier, are much nicer … ok, that is the extent of my expertise here, but I offer it up for what it’s worth! Bon courage!
I agree that wigs sound very uncomfortable. Are you aware that they have partial hairpieces attached to a headband or barrette that you can get? There are also plenty of Rogaine-type products for women, although I don’t know how expensive or effective they are. And there is also the option of hair extensions, which I understand look great, but are pretty high maintenance. A quick Google search also pulled up this title: http://www.amazon.com/Hair-Savers-Women-Complete-Preventing/dp/0609804456/ref=pd_sim_b_2 So, I wouldn’t necessarily go straight for the wig option right away. Explore a few other ideas first and see what you like. Don’t give up on your hair yet!
I can honestly tell you I think you look fine, and hadn’t noticed much a difference. But then, I’m really really short and perhaps not the best judge. Anyway, I think it comes down to this– It is important that you feel pretty so do what you feel is best.
Thanks to all of you who have offered kind words both here and via private e-mail. I am actually pretty excited to try something new with my hair because I have been frustrated with it for a long time.
For those who suggested Rogaine: I tried this for a few years after I realized I’d inherited the fun family hair around age 18. It was tricky because student finances are always tight. At the time it was still protected under patent (not available OTC or generically) and cost about $50/month. That was the first problem. I think it has probably gotten cheaper since then, although I haven’t checked. The second problem was that it was extremely itchy. Even if it were a magic hair growing elixir (which it isn’t, see #3), you improve your attractiveness in questionable ways if you add hair and socially inappropriate head scratching behaviors at the same time! Finally, third, Rogaine doesn’t work equally well for everyone. I think even for the most successful, it doesn’t provide normal hair. As for me, it grew little tiny weak hairs (like peach fuzz) and probably helped stall some further thinning. It might have worked for a guy with short hair (and supposedly, the stronger male only formulas work better) but for me the benefits didn’t outweigh the costs.
I am definitely considering all my options. If I could figure out out to make a smaller hairpiece work with my hair that could be a good solution. Certainly I think it may well turn out that a wig proves to just be too hot or itchy for me to stick with, but I’m hoping it’s worth a try.
The wig idea sounds exciting. I can’t wait to see what you look like with one. Just think, you won’t have to die your hair to cover the gray or get frequent haircuts. Good luck making your decision.
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I just found this searching for wig shops in salt lake…. I love wigs. I don’t need one for cosmetic or health reasons, I just think they are so fun and beautiful. I have thin hair, not thinning or like way too thin, but it’s nice to put on a full head of long stylish hair on nights out or at parties. I didn’t like creative wigs in salt lake though. If you have time to go to Ogden check out Roberts! I don’t know who helped me and my friend there but she was awesome and so helpful, even told us about her own wig use and let us try on as many pieces as we wanted.