Comments on: Motherly Advice

By: kellie

kellie — Fri, 01 May 2009 20:48:10 +0000

that’s such a good question, I wonder about that sometimes! Sometimes people aren’t even looking for advice when they ask questions like that,it’s such a strange phenomena to me. Well, I think you would seem that you were only meaning to help, you don’t strike me as someone who would intend to give your opinion to seem better than another. you are far too kindhearted. I would most definitely take your advice!

By: ashley

ashley — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 15:41:06 +0000

Just from personal experience- when strangers give advice that is really more like criticism, then I feel offended ( i.e. “You really should have a hat on that baby!”) But when it is friendly help and especially if I had just asked the question then stranger advice is most welcome (i.e. “The BART platform you want is over there…”)

And yes, I would definitely take advice from you Pmom!

By: Therese

Therese — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 10:47:42 +0000

I think you should have gone ahead and told her – it probably would have been helpful! I think it would have been nicer to do so than not (“nicer” is highly technical ethical terminology, ahem). On the other hand, I don’t think it was a huge big deal that you didn’t, if it would have made you uncomfortable, because surely the woman will have her own experiences with the swimming lessons and other people will end up giving her their (solicited or un) advice. However, if you actually would have liked to give her the advice and didn’t, that’s really a shame!

Philosophically I think advice-giving is justified when the likelihood of its doing harm is low and the possibility of its doing good exists. Harm goes two ways – to you through embarrassment or anxiety at risking a bad reaction (“Who asked you anyway!) or to the advisee through annoyance. The likelihood of harm is something you have to judge. I also think you display more faith in humanity by offering the advice and assuming it won’t create harm. Most people are actually nice and, moreover, most people assume others mean well unless there is evidence to the contrary; hence, most people, I think, would be grateful for your well-meant advice.

By: pdad

pdad — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 04:47:17 +0000

>What do you think?
How far does this “you” extend? To anyone who reads this post? I don’t want to answer if I’m not part of the intended audience.

By: Sharon

Sharon — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 22:55:21 +0000

Hmmmm…

A lot of people look askance at unsolicited advice… even if it’s particularly good advice. Most people recognize this and behave themselves. Then there’s me. Choosing silence is something I frequently resolve to do more often. A few years back I participated in one of those personality inventory sessions and was horrified when a casual friend said she would have pegged me first as dominant. I found out that it’s not an uncommon perception of an “expressive expressive” personality.

So while you question your reticence, I worry about being perceived as overbearing, pushy, or generally obnoxious. I admire the soft-spoken, the gracious, the ones who measure their words.

But then again, I’ve always wanted straight hair — and I bet you like curls.

By: Kacy

Kacy — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 17:24:19 +0000

Good question. I think about it too. I don’t know. Sometimes I ask people’s advice just to make conversation and I always end up with some really good ideas.