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This past Sunday some friends invited us over to dinner. While the adults were still talking, the children tired of eating and began to disperse to go play. Duncan wanted to go play in 4 yr old Annie’s room, but she was marooned at the table waiting for her vegetables to magically disappear. Annie’s dad explained that the only thing to play with in Annie’s room was dress-ups.
“What would you like to play with?” he said. “A sword, a football, trucks, maybe some blocks?” Duncan paused, and then answered, with a huge smile: “You know what I like to play with?” “A doll. But my doll is a boy! His name is Da-da [daw daw]!” He then ran off to play, and later we observed him pushing a big tractor around with undisguised pleasure.
Later, Pdad pointed out that Duncan’s response was probably no coincidence. Duncan realized that he was being steered towards the boy toys, and chose to make a statement about it. [Perhaps it is the effect of one too many readings of William's Doll. [Which, just so you know, I didn't buy for him. But I do like the message.] As for me, I was delighted. May he always feel as comfortable in his own skin as he is today: Yes, I am a boy. I love it. And I love my doll, Da-da too.
***
[The father asked] “Why does he need a doll?” William’s grandmother smiled. “He needs it,” she said, “to hug and to cradle and to take to the park so that when he’s a father like you, he’ll know how to take care of his baby and feed him and love him and bring him the things he wants, like a doll so that he can practice being a father.”
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5 Responses to ““My doll is a boy!””
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Yes! I just love that quote at the end. My boys not only have their own dolls, but Jacob had a feather boa, that recently was “retired” – he’s earning money for a new one. They love princess clothes and toys and movies – who wouldn’t with all that sparkle? I believe that there are no actual gender specific toys at this young age, and it makes me sad when people do believe that. Some girls on our street started telling Jacob a few months ago that he can’t play with certain things – they are girl things and he is a boy. The kids figure out what is socially acceptable soon enough.
Parley had a baby doll when he was two or three years old. I thought it was pretty cute how he would carry it around with him and put it to bed and everything. However, I often had other people comment on it, not necessarily in a disparaging way, but calling attention to it as something unusual. It particularly seemed to bother my father-in-law, and he often teased Parley about it. (Of course, he teased everybody about everything, so that was nothing unusual.) I think that people are trying to make more toys cross over gender–this Christmas at Toys R Us I saw a big box of bright pink-colored Tinker Toys! But I do wish that they had more actual boy dolls, even if just for girls. I mean, they don’t even have Ken dolls anymore! And that’s all the enlightening stuff I have to say on that topic.
Yes, I think in most situations adults don’t need to do much here. Children’s peers are active enough. Duncan came home from preschool and told me that there are two colors for dowlers (girls): pink and purple. I imagine his teacher didn’t tell him that. I hope not! I pointed out that both of his sisters are lovely in navy. I am always on the lookout for navy clothing I can buy them. It is too bad that it is so much easier to find pink–which isn’t nearly as becoming.
I think our friend who offered Duncan the trucks and blocks was fine; he was just being an accommodating host, guessing at what Duncan was most likely to enjoy. At home, I would like my children to feel free to choose toys that stereotypically belong to either gender. Just as I think it’s helpful for Duncan to do some nurturing practice with a doll, I think my girls probably get something out of playing with blocks. I’m not sure that i’ve done right by Duncan though–when he played at my sister-in-law’s house who had plenty of “boy” toys, he was crazy with happiness. I fear he inherited too many of Amelia’s toys, and perhaps there was not enough variety there. So, I focused a little more on boy toy acquisition this Christmas. That’s another post altogether.
I remember my brother had a boy Cabbage Patch… and he will be an excellent father someday. BTW I think I saw some navy at Target the other day. They have the swimsuits out, shorts, and spring dresses. Because it’s February now, you know.
We had the “Last Lecture” the other day and the professor who gave it has dedicated her life to children. Her own son really loved dolls and took his doll to church and caused a number of boys to follow his example. Some parents made a fuss about it. He has become a pediatrician at the Mayo Clinic and does compassionate care of children in developing countries and his mom is very proud of him. When she asked him what to tell undergrads about finding their path, he said, “Mom, you know for me, I think it was in the DNA.” Each of this professor’s children had a different and credible answer for how they figured out their path in life. I enjoyed the talk. The Honors students choose a professor who has had an influence on them and it’s well publicized and draws a big audience every spring.